Today hasn't been good. I've been gay with my girlfriends, but I've also felt super hopeless. We're fucked. Capitalism will never be over in my lifetime, and climate change will fuck over everything. For capitalism, at least there are various anarchist groups around which can provide mutual aid which really helps, but as for climate change, pretty much nothing can be done.
I've been super gay with Luna recently. I love her so so much. She's so amazing. So are all of my girlfriends UwU.
I got the robotics kit for school, and managed to troubleshoot uploading code. I had to disconnect the bluetooth module cause it was interfering. I also need enable a different source or whatever in VSCodium in order to download the arduino extension.
Today has been ok so far. It's been really warm out. Still feel like the future is hopeless, but whatever.
Erin deserves to be fucking shot dead. I'm such an awful, terrible person. I'm of no use to anyone. I only hurt and annoy the people around me. As soon as my parents leave for a bit, as soon as I have the chance to, I'm doing everyone a favour and fucking killing myself.
The past few days,, have been incredibly stressful. I was really worried about Luna yesterday, but luckily she's ok, which is really good.
I've been feeling super gay though. I did a call with Luna today, although I wasn't able to talk, but it was still nice. I really wish I could actually talk though, or do more to help,,, I just want to be a better girlfriend, for all of them. I hate being so useless, in both the sense of I can't do any sort of coding, music, or whatever, but I also can't make people feel better. I can't help with my girlfriends feeling bad,, no matter how hard I try. But I need to keep trying, because I can't lose them. I now know how it feels to lose someone,, and I can't go through that again. I just need to help her last, and me too I guess, until we can move in together. Then it will all get better.
I still need to work on getting a job though. Once I get one, I'll start saving up to move out. I've also found lot's of stuff that'd be helpful, like government subsidized housing, tenants unions, etc.
I've also been looking into XMPP more, and it's pretty cool. I've also started a gemlog on my gemini page where I just write about more tech stuff instead of personal stuff like here.
How am I so fucking dumb? How is that possible? Everytime I start a project, or try and learn something, I always give up right after because I'm too dumb to understand it, no matter how much or how many times I try. I hate this.
Today I joined the cosmic.voyage pubnix, and it's been really fun. I'm using a cool retro terminal, and all you use in the pubnix is commandline programs, like an email client, and forum readers, etc. It's very fun and has a really cool aesthetic.
I also enjoy reading the various forum posts, and I don't know how old any of them are (probably just cause I'm dumb) and idk why, but it's a really cool feeling to just be reading all of these possibly old & forgotten posts, seeing the community, and everything. I didn't explain that well, but hopefully you get what I mean.
I've gotten an idea, partially from being part of the unix.lgbt pubnix, but mostly from exploring colorfield.space to host a small pubnix on something like a Raspberry Pi Zero, and have it focused around low-tech stuff, like only having gemini pages instead of http, focusing on lower level programming languages, maybe no git frontend and just a basic git server (or maybe designing some sort of gemini git frontend 😳).
This would not only be cool for just having a low-tech pubnix, but also it'd easily allow everything to be hosted on a small raspberry pi.
It'd have to be made after I move out though so I can do port forwarding and stuff, but all I'd have to do is just setup ubuntu server on one of my pi's, configure user permissions and whatever, (and maybe a custom domain or something).
Today I had a therapist appointment, and like usual nothing productive happened. Partially because they just can't do anything about dysphoria, being stuck with my parents, and everything, but also because I have lot's of trouble actually opening up about stuff.
It's been a while since I posted here. It's been going ok I for the most part. Although there has been the usual contemplation of suicide, I've gotten used to it at this point so it's fine. I've been very gay. The new archcraft install is going pretty well, I've managed to setup Stubby as a dns resolver, and setup kali in a vm on my pc with Torghost to route everything through tor. The raspberry pi that was running the onion service mirror of my site has broken so that's down for now. I've also switched to Qwant as a search engine because apparently startpage was bought by a US company.
I've thought of an idea for a p2p currency that's not terrible like bitcoin, etc., but p2p stuff and rust is complicated so it'll likely never go anywhere.